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Analyzation Paralyzation

June 14, 2009

When I was out my final meeting with our department a couple weeks ago, I completed the Birkman personality test.  This is only like the fourth personality test I have completed in the last year….as you well know if you are adopting from Colombia.  It stated that I react to losing control in a certain way……mostly my inability to make a decision to try to retain control.  They called it “analyzation paralyzation”… um, yeah, I would have to agree with that personality trait.  So it started last Tuesday….

We were in our “infant safety class” and about 10 minutes into the class, I started having a panic attack.   It was full on.  Baby M was kicking and punching my ribs combined with my general panic about becoming a parent, labor, and everything else that was slight irrational typical of *pregnancy panic*.    I excused myself from the table, went to the restroom and tried to regain my composure.  I swear I was in there for like 15 minutes.  I almost made my husband leave at the break, but we knew one of the couples, so I didn’t want to look like a wimp.   After we left the class I decided to give myself a 24 hour panic grace period, then pull it together.  And I did..keep it to 24 hours…pull it together..well it remains to be seen.  I did finally order most of our furniture for our nursery, but still getting there.  That was slightly therapeutic to make a decision and remove something from my plate.  Since I have no house, I am not exactly in a hurry.   I know it won’t get here before I go into labor, but neither will my kitchen cabinets.  So it is par for the course.

I often reflect on my anxiety issues and laugh.  I will be the first one to admit, getting pregnant was a long road, which in the end I couldn’t control (more on that later), I wanted it so badly…and now I am panicking?.  I just try every day, multiple times, to thank God for our daughter, my husband, our adoption, my friends (who gave me a great shower this weekend) and our life…in between panic attacks. 😉

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Melissa permalink
    June 14, 2009 10:54 pm

    It’s going to be great, it really is.

  2. Megan permalink
    June 15, 2009 7:41 am

    Breathe…and again 😉 It is really going to be great!! Worth it! Awesome! Sending you deep breaths and hugs 😉

  3. Rachel permalink
    June 15, 2009 8:29 pm

    You are doing great…I think anxiety is part of the whole process. You and Jer will be awesome parents, you just have to get past the whole birthing process, haha. Sending you lots of xoxo’s.

  4. June 16, 2009 2:54 pm

    What you feel is normal. It will pass.
    Melissa’s mom

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