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Reality Check

July 22, 2008

Things have been so crazy the past couple of days- a good crazy!  Our adoption is progressing-which is all I can ever ask for.  But then yesterday it hit me.  It is inevitable that we will be parents.  Which is great, but now I am scared to DEATH.  The advice that I get from others is that you are never truly ready to be a parent until you have a child.  That is the hope I am clinging to.  But in a fashion true to my personality, I decided a little research would calm my fears (at least that is the lie I tell myself).  Don’t get me wrong, we have already researched adoption and been through some training, but never actually took the time to read some, okay a lot, of literature.  So I went to the bookstore and purchased The Whole Life Adoption Book: Realistic Advice for Building a Healthy Adoptive Family.   I am already at Chapter 3, so I do feel like it will be a good read.  I also like that it has different adoption experiences from different families who have completed various types of adoption.  It is so interesting to hear about their experiences, joys, and challenges of adoption.  It is also frightening at the same time.  For us the arrival of the decision to adopt was inevitable, we always knew we would adopt.  I knew at a very young age that I would adopt.  I never worried about any of the external factors of adoption because 1) I have always had a peace about adoption and knew it would happen & 2) I have not been worried about the lack of control per say.  I think some people think adoption is scary because they tell themselves that they have no control, meaning when they are pregnant they are in control.  It is important to realize you can’t control a lot of things when you are pregnant either-just the false sense of security that you do.  I think my strong belief in the above factors is what has sustained me on a day to day basis to keep moving forward and never look back.  So I am going to dial down the anxiety, pray for the best, read my book, AND….plan a vacation!

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Mandi permalink
    July 22, 2008 11:09 pm

    You are awesome!

  2. July 23, 2008 4:23 pm

    Good for you!! One of the best books that I love is called Cross Cultural Adoption by Abromowitz. The realization that you are going to be a parent is crazy…and I continue to have it daily and my son is here. 😉 It is wonderful and scary to be responsible for someone else.

  3. July 24, 2008 11:02 am

    Totally normal. I can’t tell you how many times I had a little panic attack about being a mom, especially an adoptive mom. I feel like there’s so much more pressure on us APs to be perfect parents, even though that’s not true.
    You will continue to panic, but you’ll also evolve as your progress continues in the adoption. I felt soooo ready by the time we were waiting for our final bits of paperwork. And, of course, I had one final freakout the night before we picked her up in Korea. And I let myself just feel it. I think the most important thing to remember is to just let yourself feel what you feel and don’t criticize yourself. It’s such an emotionally intense time. And then you have your child and you just figure it all out and bask in the fantastic-ness that is parenthood 🙂

  4. Lindsey permalink
    July 27, 2008 8:14 pm

    You guys are going to be great parents!! Gwen you are a inspiring person, that i look up to in many ways and I learned so much from you in such a short time and your child will do the same!! Im soo excited for you!!

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